True Story #7: How not to apply for a job

One afternoon, about a month and a half into unemployment, Charise wandered into EasyBuy.  She ordered some chicken tenders ($4.58), some potato wedges ($2.33), and 2 packets of barbeque sauce ($.25) from the deli section and sat down in the cafeteria where she grabbed a medium cup and filled it with coke ($1.20).  Looking around, she saw nobody else in the cafeteria and the employees with their backs turned cleaning the counter.  Cherise wasn’t a bad person, but the idea of wasting her budgeted money on undercooked chicken and mealy potato wedges that had a funny taste didn’t feel worth it.  So since nobody was watching anyway she got up, threw the evidence in the trash can, and walked away.

From there, Cherise browsed the furniture department for ideas of how she would decorate her living room when she had the means, and then moved on to the jewelry department.  In the jewelry department she looked at the clearance sale rack and found a damaged watch marked down from $30.00 to only $9.90.  She tried it on.  It fit.  With her watch broken since three weeks, and this one with nothing more than a few measly scratches on it just sitting on the shelf, she reasoned that nobody would probably buy it anyway, so she removed the price tag sticker and wandered off.

“Do you have a visual?  I couldn’t see what she took.”

“It was a wrist watch.  I’ve got the price tag.”

In the layaway section Cherise found an automated ‘job hiring center’ computer with a poster above it alleging that in less than 15 minutes she could apply for an exciting and rewarding career with an array of benefits.  12 minutes later having successfully submitted her application, Cherise headed for her car to make it home before her kids got back from school.

Cherise smiled at the people greeter as she exited the store only to be stopped by two unnecessarily large and intimidating gentlemen.

“EasyBuy Security.  We need to see your receipt for the food and that watch on your wrist ma’am.”

In the back the security personnel questioned her, and having forgotten her identification at home and scared to death that a criminal record would ruin her life, she lied, hoping they would go easy on her and let her go with a warning.

“What is your name?”

“Charonne.  Charonne Byron.”

“And your address?”

“Uhhh… 44, Howard Street.  I live in Calgon, the next town over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Well, according to the resume you filled out on our computer, your name is Cherise.”

When the police arrived, Cherise was charged for theft of property of $17.06 to be reimbursed to EasyBuy plus 364 days in prison suspended UNLESS she got into more trouble over the next year, a restraining order telling her she if she ever stepped foot on EasyBuy property again that she would be arrested for criminal trespassing, and a criminal record that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

True Story.